Steve Lampiris
Americans like stuff, right? They like capitalism and democracy and friends and love and fast food and coffee. Right? Polls show that Americans like stuff, so they must like stuff. It’s simple logic. And it further stands to reason that because they like stuff, they know what kinds of stuff they like.
So here’s the thing: If Americans, as a friend put it, “want cake, give them cake,” then you’ve effectively given Americans exactly what they asked for, right? Well, kinda. You see, the problem with Americans is that, in actuality, they don’t know what they like or want – from anything. Not to get too political here, but a cursory glance at the Republican presidential primary race demonstrates that. They don’t like any of the candidates, and yet they vote for them anyway. Further still, even with a winner, it’s too close to really call.
It’s even worse with music because when Americans ask for one thing, they like and ask for it until they get indigestion. And then continue demanding it. So, to extend my friend’s analogy, Americans want cake and will clamor for it until they either puke it back up or develop Type 2 Diabetes. Look at the the current trend in pop music: the complete domination of Eurotrash synthop within the ranks of Billboard. It’s been here since 2007 and there are no signs it’ll go away soon. T-Pain’s auto-tuning the hell out of every singer he could find didn’t last 5 years.
Which brings me to “Sexy and I Know It.” You see, this particular number one single isn’t a song. Instead, it’s an amalgamated clusterfuck of every stupid, insipid, and creatively bankrupt hit single of the last 20 years. On top of that, LMFAO and critics alike have the balls to parade this shit-sandwich around as novelty and allow LMFAO to claim they’re funny without question. Really? Funny? I mean, the video for “Sexy” is humorous (because it’s so goddamn over-the-top), but as for the song itself…not so much. They’re certainly trying to be humorous but it’s so forced: “When I’m at the mall, security just can’t fight ’em off/ And when I’m at the beach, I’m in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks.” Ugh. The song’s lyrics are painfully stupid.
But the lyrics are just a part of the problem. There’s the also the rest of the song, which is basically the talk-singing ridiculousness of “I’m Too Sexy” meets the nausea-inducing elasticity of “Like a G6” meets the mantra-esque chorus of “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” and “My Humps.” Keep in mind, though, that when a student borrows from many sources and “creates” something new, s/he has to cite sources or find themselves receiving accusations of plagiarism. When a band does it, it’s called a hit record. Normally, though, when an artist borrows from others, the idea is to take what was already there and expand upon it until something new is discovered. LMFAO, however, seemingly just browsed Youtube looking for hits and lumped the most earwig-iest ones together. They left out that last step of having an original idea. Sure, they wrote the lyrics but the concept (used loosely here) is just “I’m Too Sexy” welded to ego.
That all of this went unnoticed by the American public – and that they (thought) they liked it – is the key to the song’s (trolling) success. Thing is, “Sexy and I Know It” isn’t a hit song at all. It’s LMFAO fucking with us. They made us convince ourselves that what we wanted – what we liked – was more of what we already had. All they did was repackage it, and wrap it in a polka-dotted speedo. LMFAO ftw?
